Wednesday, 22 February 2012

The Quinquagenarian

 1577836800 seconds,26297280 minutes,438288 hours,18262 days or 50 years, whichever way I look at it , has really been quite a time to spend on this earth. But more than the measure of time, it is the loads of love and good vibes which I have been fortunate to receive from parents,sibling, wife, son, cousins uncles, aunts, relatives, friends,colleagues,classmates, acquintances which make me overburdened with a deep sense of gratitude. Its not as if I have not faced hostility, trouble or enemies in life. I have had enough of  them for good measures too. But I have forgiven them and have always tried to withdraw from negativity in life. So they do not matter to me . 

                               Spending fifty years of life surely entitles one to be reflective and retrospective. As I look back , I can take deep satisfaction and a big sigh of relief  of completing five decades  without being tested too much by the vagaries of life. Pains and tribulations have come and gone but I have been fortunate enough to always find something else to look ahead. Regrets , I have a few in life, but again even if things have not gone my way, I have not been devastated. Somehow , I have survived . I know , many of my well wishers and elders will point out to the fact that I have not been able to either realise or do justice to my potentials fully. But then, I have not been a loser in life too. I have mostly got whatever I needed and much more. That is what matters , ultimately . Isn't it ?

                                Change of workplace,job profile and dwelling have been a constant feature of my adult life . Which means, I have really been a rolling stone. Not gathering moss around . This nomadic journey in life has contributed to the overall growth of myself as a person and fitted my restless personality. If I have any misgivings on this aspect of life, it is the fact that my wife had to bear the brunt of the inconvenience and sacrificed a lot for my sake. But by now she has also started liking the changes. The frequent changes have brought me into contact with new people and places and variety has been indeed been the spice of life for my family. 

                                I have only to thank my good luck for being able to complete my adult life without any major illness or accidents. This , I think is truly a divine blessing.  During my total work life of about 29 years, I have taken medical leave for two days only. I can only pray for my luck to hold all along further . Though I had to face some worries related to my wife and son, they were , mercifully , not been too difficult. 

                                I have loved,committed big mistakes,stood up for causes,protested,been a rebel,fought over silly things and will continue to do these in future. But I have never consciously hurt anybody or taken advantage of any situation by demeaning or degrading another person.  I have faced rejection, experienced humiliation, got heartbroken, felt frustrated and sought vengeance.  Anger has been my greatest weakness , apart from a cursed habit of smoking. I have tried to control both and still trying to keep them suppressed I know that my sudden bad temper tantrums may have sometimes spoiled the atmosphere and have  hurt others feelings but then I  have always believed in admitting mistakes and saying sorry for them. 
                                The two persons , who I think should have deserved a better me are my wife and my son. Whatever, I may have done for them, I think has not been enough. If I could could go back in time and change things, I would have done that only for their sake. 

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