Some crazy gale ........040212

Some crazy gale

Ultimately the marriage was happening. Amar still did not want to believe it.Actually, deep within himself, there was a lot of resistance to it. But in spite of his reluctance to enter into a new commitment, Amar fully realised that for the sake of his own wellbeing, both physically and mentally, he had to marry again. His reluctance to re-marry was mainly due to the consideration, somewhat misplaced, for his son Rohit who was now ten years old. He did not want to be seen as a selfish person by his son. But then , for the last four years or so, after Sneha died , he really had a tough time balancing his work, parenting Rohit and spending the lonely nights .

Passing his fingers through his hairs , he looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was thinning and he had developed a slight paunch around the waist. Otherwise, he had a well built body , once muscular but now tending towards being flabby due to less exercise. One or two grey strands of hair were winking at the temples. His thirty eight year old face was looking puffed after a disturbed night’s sleep.

He did not have a good sleep through out the night. But only he was to blame for it. He shouldn’t have indulged so much with the whiskey at Shankar’s place . But then all his friends insisted on raising a toast each to his new life. The stag party ended after midnight and he could just remember Prakash dropping him at the doorstep and his aunt Maya opening the door , with a disapproving gesture of covering her nose with the pallu of her sari and muttering something. he had just dropped on his bed and passed out. Somewhere in between, he had woken, partly due to the urge to pee and partly due to the burning sensation of the acidic feeling in his stomach trying to climb up his throat. Coming back to the bed, he had just tossed and turned around relapsing into sporadic dazed states of immobility punctuated with intermittent dreams. 

He could remember some of them, one where he saw the stern face of his late father admonishing him for his folly to marry again and reminding him of his duty towards his son, the other of his old Games teacher with a whistle in a chain around his neck but wearing only a lungi and bare chested, teaching him the need to be a celibate in life and not waste the semen , which was life itself. A smile creeped up along his lips as he remembered Sinha Sir and his beautiful young wife who was the cynosure of all students and cause of many a wet dreams.

But the worst one which still lingered with him after he woke up was the one about Sneha. He dreamt of touching her bare body , carressing her ,kissing her, making love to her on the sand beaches by a sea. They were both covered with sands and it was sunny. There were lots of people around them but nobody was looking. Both of them were oblivious about the crowd too . And then it happened, as he lunged forward in his last orgasmic spasm trying to reach her inner depths and kissed her lips, she just disintegrated into ash, black and grey. The crowd around also vanished and a crow called out ,loud . His sleep was truly broken now as he groped with the sudden jolt.

He did not lie down any further. Going to the washbasin, he splashed a lot of water on his face. The acidic burn still persisted in his throat. He needed to have lots of water, he thought. He was still wearing the trousers and shirt of yesterday evening and the belt was still on him . Coming out of his room , he went to the kitchen. Maya aunty was there. He asked for a glass of water and gulped it thirstily before asking for another.

“Rohit has left for school ? “he asked returning the glass, more of a statement than a question.
“Long back, its almost tiffin time for him”. She replied, not looking at him.
He felt guilty. Partly for the excesses of the last night and somewhat more for not being able to see off Rohit to school this morning .
“Why don’t you have some tea and then have an oil bath. And leave the clothes outside. They need to be washed properly.” Maya said.

Without replying her, Amar came to the drawing room and picked up the newspaper . He again went back to the bedroom in search of his specs and locating them came out to the balcony . It was a sunny morning and he liked the sun smiling on him on this late spring morning. Next week , it was Holi. By that time he would be married again. As he sipped the tea , brought by Maya aunty, his thoughts wandered, involuntarily to the last Holi that he spent with Sneha.

xxx

Rohit was quite excited that day right from the morning. They had gone to the market the previous evening and bought a sprinkler for the boy. It was shaped like a gun . He thought it to be ironic that the sprinkler was shaped like a gun. He remembered his childhoood when they had a common sprinkler made of tin and quite heavy too. The piston had to be oiled before a day. In spite of his misgivings he had bought the gun shaped pichkari because Rohit wanted to have it.

From the market, he had also bought two packets of Gulal, powdered dry colours and a small bottle of dark colour. While returning on his scooter with Rohit , he saw the moon . It seemed so near and close. Nearing the turn out of the market, he stopped at the flower stall and got two Gajjras for Sneha. It was unusual for him to buy this item. But the moon, round and buttery along with the light spring breeze had a magical quality that made him amorous. Sneha would be surprised , he thought, sniffing the packet in his hand . Suddenly he felt eager to go home .

Coming back , Rohit immediately filled his water gun with water and ran downstairs to test it on the street dog . Maya ran after him . Amar entered the bathroom to have a wash. As he came out wearing a lungi, rubbing his bare body with a towel, he found Sneha carrying his cup of tea with a plateful of pakoras . She placed them on the bedsiide table and turned towards Amar , smiling “ Why did you buy the Gajra for me ” she said in a teasing manner. She was wearing a cotton sari and had already pinned the Gajra on her hair braided into a long tail reaching her round hips.

Amar did not answer immediately. He came near her and held her with his arms circling her bare midriff. She seemed to be waiting for this as involuntarily she placed her head on his bare chest and kissed it murmuring  “ Leave me now, I have to cook for dinner” .

As Amar put his hands on her hips and pressed it slightly , he could feel her hands encircling him and the nails scratching his back.He was aroused now with his muscles taut but Sneha was going limp in his arms. Bending slightly he kissed her lips. Sneha just brushed her lips slightly with his and shaking herself, released her arms around him.

“ Won't you like to have dinner tonight” she laughed as she slipped away from him.

“Yes , I would like to have you for dinner , honey” he replied sitting on the bed and picking a pakora.

“ I seem to have been marooned with a cannibal” she said lightly while going out of the room.

The pakoras were really delicious. Sneha really took care of him. He was not allowed to eat much of fried foods or sweets , but once in a while, she made amends by treating him to such delicacies like Pakora or kheer prepared at home. He had a simple but desi palate and not fussy. But these pakoras were heavenly. He munched another and sipped his tea

Slipping on a t-shirt, he came to the living room and clicked the TV on while picking up the newspaper. He ogled at the female anchoring a debate on a channel. She was really looking sexy today with a sleeveless dress.But after a few minutes he got bored with the debate and started flipping the channels . He stuck to the one showing a song on Holi and turned to the sports page of the newspaper.

He had roti with baingan ka bhartha and chana daal for dinner. Maya aunty hovered around him during dinner and insisted on adding another roti on his plate . She had a low opinion of Sneha's dietary restrictions and firmly believed that the man of the house should be fed much more. Amar winked slyly at a petulant Sneha and dipped his roti into the daal. Rohit was not making any fuss tonight over food and was hurrying through his meal.He would definitely sleep with his new toy by his side tonight, Amar thought , looking at him with an amused smile. With a deep sense of well being , he washed his hands at the washbasin before proceeding to have a smoke at the mooonlit balcony. He watched some people burning the Holika , a collection of twigs,branches and straw on the small open plot of land across the road. Strains of dholak beats with raucous singing punctuated with shouts of Shara ra ra ra ......filled the air. People all around seemed to be fully in the Holi mood and tomorrow promised to be fun.

But he would definitely have his fun tonight. Now a days Rohit was sleeping with Maya aunty in her room . Sneha had made this arrangement about six months back much to the surprise and delight of Amar. She was planning for the second baby. Brushing his teeth elaborately , he went to the bed and randomly flipped the pages of the female magazine lying there. It was a pregnancy issue, he noted. Sneha was very particular and methodical about things and liked to maintain order all around. This sometimes created trouble as it clashed with the remnants of his disorganised and bohemian ideas of life. He had changed a lot under her influence .

There was no hurry tonight. Tomorrow was a holiday for both him and Rohit. No mad rushing around in the morning, he thought as Sneha entered the bedroom after half an hour. She brought out a nightie and proceeded to change, putting off the light. In the faint darkness , he could see her silhoutte as she removed her clothes before slipping on the nightie. Sneha never changed her clothes in front of him with lights on. She always maintained that touch of mystery around herself.

“ Why do you need to change ?” he asked as she put the light on again.

“ Don't be a junglee, you perverted silly goat ” she teased him lightly, rubbing a cream on her face.

“I still have some chores to finish. Not like you . Why are you still awake ?” she continued.

“ I am hungry , madam”

“ Then , wait . Let me bring some milk for you”

“I need something stronger and heavier”

Sneha went out to put the lights off and bring the jug of water. He could hear her voice , speaking to Maya . Then she entered . He could hear the clink of her bangles and the tinkle of her silver anklets as eager anticipation aroused him . As she climbed the bed in the dark , he reached for her.

Later, as they lay exhausted, he spooned up from behind her and carressed her , sniffing in the heady smell of of her body, post coitus. In the pleasure of the afterglow , he drifted to sleep . He could faintly hear Sneha whispering “ We will have a girl next. Rohit needs a sister. ”

xxx

To close the eyes after many sleepless nights

carrying the fears deep within ,

the mortal cycle of life repeats over again

yet we try, we try with hopeless routine

all over again, knowing fully well,

the barred walls of this jail will never yield.

What the roof conceals is not the sky;

beyond the realm of sight sparkles another world,

distant and cold , maybe lifeless too , who bothers.

The unfinished stories that we write will remain

colourless ,they are destined to,

so why think about them.

Let them live their incomplete life .

Hold yourself guilty of meaningless sins

committed with every breath taken ,

reeked with greed , dark,evil and dirty

blakened wih the smoke of burning desires.

Shadows of tomorrow looms over when

the search for yesterday begins all over.

How will you escape the truth

when there is no doors open to find your way

in this closed space of mind.

As the evening sets on the town,
and the street lights create the shadows;
the roads that people take, seem to be
a long walk back to home.
Burdens of living daily , laden on their backs
these stragglers return, with the hopes
to see their loved ones , smiling.
Weary steps with tired legs tread along
 the ashphalt ,through the concrete jungle.
Together they form the crowd, faceless,
bound to each other by the common purpose
but each alone in their private world, distant,
like the stars which twinkle in the sky
to guide them to their respective addresses.

Don't let me miss you again
So just be there,stay.
No need to hold my hand
and give me any excuses
or reasons why you drifted away.
I understand.
You have your own world.
I am not a part of it.
But you will surely be within me.
In the thoughts I feel,
the words that I write.
With the silent assurance,
that when things go terribly wrong,
and I feel down and out
lonely in this crowd of strangers
all so close to me.
I will reach out to you
across the space we share
Our own,very private world
hidden away from others,
to just feel your presence there.
If only to make me live,
for another day in this make believe.

iamarunangshu@blogspot.com

Time, take a break.
Leave me here now.
Seems what I have left behind,
calls me back to turn around.
Let me be,for once.
Its been long since I started,
on this way with you
Never did I stop
to rest under a shadow,
or to quench my thirst.
Kept on walking with you,
till this point,but now;
life beckons me at the dead of night
"Love me now, the time is right."

Test

Test

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Project 22 ......Part 1

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Project 22 ......Part 1 The evening was setting in on the city and the street lights were already on in the backdrop of the fast fading sunlight. There was a lot... View or comment on Arunangshu Paul's post »

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Project 22 ......Part 1

The evening was setting in on the city and the street lights were already on in the backdrop of the fast fading sunlight. There was a lot of activity on the roads as people were on their way home after a long summer day. The traffic on the street was also heavy and crawling at a snails's pace now.

With the hawkers claiming the pavement , pedestrian movements spilled over and covered half of the street .To an outside observer it would look chaotic at the first glance, yet nobody seemed to complain. There was a non chalance in the expressions of thr people as they were all geared up to reach home at the earliest.

Rohit asked the driver to stop near the pan shop after crossing the Elite cinema. Alighting from the taxi , he checked the meter and mentally calculating the fare, reached out for his wallet . Paying the fare, he waited for the taxi to roll ahead , then looking to his right, he stepped onto the street to cross it.As he negotiated the vehicles on the street hurriedly, he loooked at his mobile to check the time. Like many others, he had stopped wearing a wristwatch.He still had some time . Crossing over the street, he turned left and at the opening of the first lane after crossing the old radio shop, he stopped and again checked the time.

He decided to wait for a few minutes before walking in and brought out the pack of Wills from his trouser pocket. He lit it from the glowing tip of the coconut rope hanging unobtrusively from the the side of the lamppost, placed for customers by the hawker selling cigarettes on the pavement . Taking a deep drag , he exhaled the smoke into the air and watched the crowd passively. The world moves on in its own pace and the random movement all around increased the restlessness that he was feeling within.

A bald headed man shouting into his cellphone passed him by. The man seemed to be oblivious of the fact that he was on a busy road. Rohit could hear snatches of his comments.Apparently the man was having an argument with his wife over some domestic issues. A wry smile crossed Rohit's face as he stubbed his cigarette with the sole his shoes . He patted his hip on the right side in an involuntary motion of assurance to check his wallet in the crowd,before running his fingers through the mop of hairs to set them back. This was also an automatic gesture. Tentatively he entered the lane. It was narrow but lit well with the steet lamps .Surprisingly it was empty except a stray dog curling itself into a cosy huddled figure and two urchins with gunny bags resting on the steps of a closed shop.

He could locate the address without any difficulty. A small board by the wall announced in bold letters –

Standard Detective Agency,

2^nd Floor, Building 12E/7

Ghulam Rasool lane,

Calcutta 700003.

(We have no branches)

There was an aroow indicating for the visitor to take the stairs , suddenly jutting out , almost on the lane itself. The stairs were narrow and dimly lit , partly by the street light opposite and partly by an old fashioned round bulb radiating yellowish light on the soot covered walls .

As he reached the second floor landing, a little out of breath due to the steepness of the stairs, he pressed the calling bell.He could hear the buzz of the bell in a old style behind the closed doors. The door was opened by a young woman wearing glasses and looking bored. This must have been the person with whom he had spoken half an hour back ,while confirming his appointment, he thought.

I have an appointment with Mr Roy. He mumbled , a little dry in his throat.

Please be seated, Mr Roy will arrive shortly. I believe you must be Mr Rohit Dutt. The girl said guiding him to a dull and old sofaset placed in a cramped looking corner of a narrrow rectangular waiting room.

Rohit entered the room after her and sat on the sofa. It creaked and felt himself going down. Shifting himself slightly, he asked for a glass of water.

Sure said the girl as she left the room .

Rohit looked around. The placed looked depressed with the drab walls with just a calendar giving company to an old clock ticking audibly . The furniture was sparse with a centre table with glass top and a cane rack hogging the space with the sofa.

The girl returned with a glass of water on a tray . Rohit gulped the water and realised he was thirsty. As he returned the glass, he noticed the faint outline of moustache on the girl's face. She was looking at him quizzically. Without a word , she went insideas Rohit picked up a magazine from the centre table and began leafing through it.

Recycled from a Friend's postPeople come ...

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Recycled from a Friend's postPeople come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, Emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it isreal. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundations. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime. View or comment on Arunangshu Paul's post »

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A twinge of regret, a prick of conscience,
perhaps a sting of remorse
permeate the conscious within.
to think of my misspent worldly existence
of all these years without a real reason.
Is it so that I really nurture the traits
of an omega male within me ?
Or is it the realization that, nothing after all
actually matters, much in life- relations,acquisitions,
anniversaries,landmarks,victories, humiliations.
Something within wants to break out , yet again,
the resonance of all the collected experiences
brings about the all pervading perception
of meaningless void all around.

Come take a walk with me , let me show you...

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Come take a walk with me , let me show you , here the dew drops on the green grass wets the bare feet in the early hour of dawn the cold winds rejuvenates, with a caress as the soft lights of the rising Sun colours the sky all these and much more are waiting , only for you So come on, why delay ? View or comment on Arunangshu Paul's post »

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hi test

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hi test View or comment on Arunangshu Paul's post »

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iamarunangshu

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iamarunangshu Live life to love life View or comment on Arunangshu Paul's post »

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iamarunangshu

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iamarunangshu Live life to love life View or comment on Arunangshu Paul's post »

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iamarunangshu

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iamarunangshu Live life to love life View or comment on Arunangshu Paul's post »

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Come take a  walk with me , 

let me show you ,

here the dew drops 

on the  green grass 

wets the bare feet

 in the early hour of dawn 

the cold winds rejuvenates,  

with a caress as  the soft lights

 of the rising Sun colours the sky

all these and much more

are waiting , only for you

So come on, why delay ?

Chasing dreams have never been easy,
for me at least.
The search for El Dorado
has taken me far away.
All carefully made plans for return
have come to a nought.
Here I am now, covered with the golden dust.
But strangely I can't wash it off.
There's no river nearby,
where the cold water
soothes the cracks of my skin
cleaning me of this golden hue.
So the burden of this gold
remains with me,
reminding me how far my home is.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Arunangshu Paul
visit me on facebook

FB post 040112

All my resolutions
break to pieces,
when I think of you.
So much do I miss you,
but never miss remembering you.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Arunangshu Paul
visit me on facebook

Facebook post 030112

Will the stars ever know,
what I search on these
dark and lonely streets.
Lost carelessly somewhere there lies the mark of my footsteps,
which I can't retrace.
How do I return now?
Who will show me the way?
I have missed the last chance once again.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Arunangshu Paul
visit me on facebook

On 1112

Listen all my friends dear,

There's indeed a leap in the year.

You will work more for a day,

Without getting any extra pay.

So make it large and say Cheers !

Let 2012 be the best of your years

--
Sent from my mobile device

Arunangshu Paul
visit me on facebook

Resolutions for myself I always break. But keep promises to others that I make.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Arunangshu Paul
visit me on facebook

Life as we know doesn't stop. Neither does it let us to go back in
time in the physical sense. But our minds retain that small bit of the
by gone somewhere within.
As I proceed to the first day of daily work routine for the year,can't
help ruminating on the overall impact of the time on our lives. 2011
is already much behind us. 2012 being a leap year has a day more but
already the first day of the year has gone !
We will feel the hangover of the year past for a few more days. Dates
will end in 11 and will be taken as silly mistake. We will still talk
of next year. But routine of the daily grind will catch up and we will
all be soon very much into the year 2012.
I personally felt that people celebrated the coming of 2012 a bit
tentatively,as if unsure of what to expect from it. Is this because of
the overdose of bad news all around ? Does it reflect the hopeless
mood prevailing ? May be we are all spreading ourselves too much and
collecting the negatives . The continuous barrage of information may
be the prime reason of our sense of isolation.
The happy facade we build around us belies the insecurity within. We
are in a perpetual state of denial of the reality . Often we talk of
reliving the past. But how many of us would really want to live the
life in past without the trappings of today's amenities.
So in reality past is gone. We can only live our lives today. Tomorrow
may be late.
And years! They will come and go. Whether you make resolutions or not.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Arunangshu Paul
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