Friday, 30 November 2012

No reason to look back

It is amazing how swift change of situations dot life with a regularity providing us with lessons and an overall humbling experience . In spite of the best laid out plans one finds the designs of fate throwing surprises at us and turn the course of life to a totally different direction . But when a situation repeats itself and one faces the same dillema once over it becomes a little too much to call it a coincidence. In all such contradictions of life one has nothing to guide self but to depend upon the instinct of survival and the call of the heart.

I have always believed that actions should be backed by the mind while decisions taken by the heart. And there should be no regrets after choosing the way of the heart. So this time too , I will let my heart decide and walk across the point of no return. Then I will open my mind to the new vista opening up beyond the horizon. What could have been will be a fond memory to fall back on times of self doubt later as the excitement of the unknown challenges on the new way ahead shapes life until the next crossroad is faced, again.

Following the heart may have sometimes looked foolish by the conventional wisdom but I have never regretted the challenges it had brought in its wake because in retrospect I have been blessed with the satisfaction of finding things fall in place, ultimately. When I wrote this poem,it was of a different context but strangely now it reflects the situation I am placed now. So let me repeat this once again , as a prayer for myself and reiterate my faith on myself .

I know I will live only once.
But as long as I live this life,
I will live it on my own terms.
The world has its own rules ,
I have a set of mine.

Why conform to set standards
and live with regrets ?
Time , whatever of it is left,
is borrowed.
Someday we all have to leave.

On the one way street of life,
let me walk facing the Sun.
No reason to look back
on the shadows
that I leave behind.

Monday, 26 November 2012

The Smell

Something here , something there;
seems to somehow remain.
A lingering odour , a slight tangy smell
just stays back , even after
so many hours.
I could have tried to use a perfume
to freshen up the air , but then
I don't have any with me now.
This simple fact , this lack of resource
makes me uneasy by reminding me
of my utter helplessness.
So I stay put , pretending to be
unaware of the irritating smell.
Hanging all around the room,
in the corners, on the walls,curtains
and other furniture ,even photographs.
Something here , something there,
must be decaying  in this room.
I don't know exactly what it is
but I can sense it well, from the smell.

Sunday, 25 November 2012

If I pray for England winning the second Test match ?

If I pray for England winning the second Test match will it be an unpatriotic act? I can visualise many of my friends squirming uncomfortably at this question because they think I am a genuinely nice person and this type of a question shows that something is genuinely wrong with my mind. Dear friends, now don't jump to a conclusion and term me as a gadfly , a philistine or a traitor trying to kick a fallen soldeir on his wounds . Neither I am a non believer. On the contrary I am an ardent fan of Test cricket as a game and the Indian cricket team, strictly in that order.

After sparing a thought on the subject and analysing the situation,post stumps on day three of the second test match between England and India at the Wankhede stadium , Mumbai ,any sane person would say that Cricket is a funny game and India is staring at a loss which will square the series position to 1-1. But the diehard Indian fan will stress on the funny part of the game and pray through out the night for an unlikely Indian win as a miracle . I have myself done this since 1971 on numerous occasions since the Carribean tour by the Indians . A handful of times miracle did happen but mostly my prayers remained unfulfilled. I have no grudge against the God for this because whatever few games where India managed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat are all treasures for the memory. From Gavaskar to Tendulkar, from Amarnath (Jimmy) to Dravid, from Wadekar to Ganguly, from Chandrasekhar to Kumble, from Bedi to Harbhajan, from Kapil to Zaheer via Srinath, from Azhar to Laxman , I have witnessed many memorable rallies and fightbacks down the four decades that I am savouring the pleasures of this great game.

Then why am I rooting for an England win today and why will I pray for this tonight before going to sleep ? That's because if somehow England manage to lose this test match then that will be a great dis service to the cause of Indian cricket. Then again these demi gods will strut along shamelessly, the TV channells will again eulogise their feats, the advertisers will spend their millions on getting their products endorsed by the heroes, the diehard fans (shall we say of the stupid variety) will again do all those jingoistic rituals and the BCCI will laugh its way to the Bank. But nobody would care to look into the malaise and try to see the obvious – how they are killing cricket just like the goose which laid the golden egg.

This Indian team has the dubious record of losing eight consecutive tests overseas and then on their home turf they are presented with rank turners where the ball talks with a spin from the very first hour. All this to ensure wins and the media hypes it as the revenge series. The first test match is won and people fall over each other to hail the captain and the team. But wait, the second test match shows that the Indian batsmen are matching their overseas forms and the bowlers are not capable to produce the venom to dislodge quality batsmen even on pitches doctored specially for them.

What more do you expect ? When a player , who is a normal human being is declared God by everybody and given the option to play as long as he wants , when the captain , living upto his cool image , cooly calculates the benefit from endorsements and evades any questions on his role and responsibility by aligning himself with the BCCI power, when your pace spearhead is actually unfit but you still do not want to try out the best pace bowler of the country at this point of time, when your team has a spinner living on his past glories . All these and much more of fallacies and blatant mismanagement is eating away the charm of cricket. Losing is not a shame . But preparing pitches to trap the opposite team and then get caught foolishly in the trap set is downright idiotic.

Cricket is a funny game. There's no doubt about it. Fortunes can change anytime and it always favour the brave, but not idiots.

Hope England wins this game and provides BCCI with the resounding kick on its back which they really deserve.

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Nowadays, often I have this recurrent feeling
that I , by myself, am an empty cell;
which gets filled by all those tired evenings
which walk away silently at the dawn.
Without a trace , just as nomads do,
with no roots to hold them down, 
no obligations either to make them
look back, hesitate, then mumble , "Sorry".
Sometimes it also so happens that 
small joys, like loose changes seek refuge
with me , most probably as a mistake
guided by the magical moonlit nights
and expecting an one night stand,
they tiptoe inside the extended courtyard.
Still there is so much confusion abound
in the common perception of people 
about love, commitment and happiness.
Even after the catastrophe of bondage,
festering as the aftermath of relations,
there is a constant buzz of expectations; like,
flies hovering on a big, fat, overripe jackfruit.
The mesh of compulsions strewn around
to trap the unwary are nets that are useless
when the boat reaches the estuary.
So live with all these apparent fallacies 
as long as you can live through them .

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

By hanging Kasab, the Government has done the best thing to redeem its otherwise lacklustre performance.
No death is a matter of rejoice but justice carried to its logical conclusion is to be applauded.

Monday, 19 November 2012

Just a stampede.

The news of stampede at Patna today which claimed so many lives saddens the heart. Then a sense of rage takes over. Firstly at the regularity of such incidents happening in our country during religious festivals and social gatherings. Secondly at the systemic apathy towards handling such incidents .
There will be lot of finger pointing and politicking over the incident and accusations will be made left and right without trying to understand the real reasons for the tragedy which will later be termed as an unfortunate accident and then conveniently forgotten. The state government will no doubt announce for compensations and nobody will care whether these amounts will reach the beneficiaries. Some sort of inquiry will also be instituted and the report will perhaps be published after a gap of two to three years with a lot of recommendations. By then many such accidents will take place at many other places in the country. But nothing will happen as n
obody will be ultimately made accountable for the lapses.
The whole administrative system runs on the premise of being not accountable for anything that happens to the public and passes the buck to the maze of different departments and agencies that make up the monolithic system of governance in the country. At the end of the day its the politicians who take the flak as the last recipient of public ire. But even this does not make any impact because nobody expects a politician to do anything constructive any more. This helps them to shrug off any responsibility like a duck out of water .
What then is left for the people to do ? Nothing but to pray that such things don't happen to them . After all prayer and religion helps us to forget and forgive . Isn't it ?
Otherwise one can just end up being a cynical skeptic like yours truly.

Sunday, 11 November 2012

Lonely night

No phone calls for me,
nobody bothered to send a message.
Maybe people are not aware, 
that I live here all by myself.
Or is it that everyone I know
have forsaken me ,
sentenced me to this exile.
I venture out to find the sky,
spend some time in search of stars,
play hide and seek with them.
But its so dark outside,
with clouds covering the sky.
I can't find any of the stars.
Again I come back to the room,
within the walls of solitude.
I don't like it, I am bored.
What stops people from contacting me,
Why don't I find love tonight.
I am alone, time sits so heavy on me,
Impatient with this endless wait,
I may end up doing something silly.